lisat
Silver Member
Life is for living, not for looking at.
Posts: 30
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Post by lisat on Nov 3, 2007 11:39:15 GMT
This is my first time, so please forgive me if I'm asking in the wrong section!!! I have a problem with a parent. Infact, it's not the first problem I've had with her, I could be here typing all day to tell you the full story, but I'll try to summarise! Picture the scene: unmaternal mother, gorgeous baby boy, who I've been minding since he was born, he's now 15 months and still gorgeous! like I said, few problems, I've dealt with them all so far. The latest one has really upset me though, and I feel I can't deal with this woman for much longer. My son has been off school this week with chicken pox, although mindee already had them, GP advised to keep him away, plus my son has been quite poorly. Anyway, I got wind that the parent had been ringing round the other CM's asking for emergency cover stating 1) she didn't want me to find out about it; 2) I'm always off sick (lie); 3) I have never offered back up cover (another lie, I have offered, but she has always declined!) I know who ended up having the mindee and don't mind, infact felt better knowing she was there for back up. Parent has still not admitted it to me and will just 'forget' she's done it. She knows I know, but I'm feeling really stabbed in the back by her and I'm devastated, that even though I have carried on working when I really don't feel well in the past, she's lied to my colleagues! I've even applied for a full time job because I really don't think I can continue offering this service to her, even though I love that little boy, and my children love him to bits, it breaks my heart. Has anybody else ever experienced such a problem and does any one know how to put this parent straight once and for all. this mindee is the only one on my books at the moment. As much as I love minding and being there for my own kids, I feel so dis-heartened and I really am dreading facing HER on Monday! Sorry to go on! Love Lisa. xxx
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Post by loum on Nov 3, 2007 13:24:30 GMT
Well I assume it's just the lying about you being off sick all the while bit thats the problem here, as she would have had to get some other cover for her child anyway, so I can't imagine it's that bit of it. TBH I would tackle her about it if I were in this situation. There needs to be trust between Minder and Parent, and if she is going round saying things ( are you sure your source is reliable?) that could compromise getting future mindees, and affecting your business, well I think I would be having a quiet word. Although then that might get the other minder in trouble for not observing confidentiality ( would this come under that though, I don't know) Someone who knows more than me can probably answer you better, the above is just how I would handle it
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lisat
Silver Member
Life is for living, not for looking at.
Posts: 30
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Post by lisat on Nov 3, 2007 14:03:25 GMT
Well, I certainly intend to have a word, because this is not the first time she's lied. My husband knows her employer and apparently, she's been taking time off saying I'm ill, when she fancies a day off!!! Yet I still have the child and knew nothing of this until a few weeks ago, I wasn't well and was in agony. I tried to work, but by mid morning I just couldn't continue, so rang Mum to ask her to collect her child. After telling me she was too busy etc... she then screamed "oh I'll come and get him" then slammed the phone down on me. Anyway, I found she'd been taking these days off because I rang later that day to apologise to her manager as he'd gone "BALLISTIC" - supposedly! He hinted that i'd not had a good run of health this year, to which i was shocked as i'd not been off since I had flu in January! Which actually timed well because the mum was off ill anyway!
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Post by lorri on Nov 3, 2007 14:04:51 GMT
It must be very hard for you to be able to trust this woman if you're absolutely sure that she has been saying these lies behind your back.
It's very hard as you obviously adore her little boy.
Only you know how you feel about this and whether you are able to carry on with this parent.
I'm not sure if I would be able to as I would always be wondering what lies she's saying about me but I don't know how I would approach her about it myself - it's a very awkward situation.
Sorry I haven't been any help Lisa but good luck with it and let us know how you get on. Maybe you could try another advertising splurge incase you have to let him go?
Lorri x
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Post by susan on Nov 3, 2007 14:29:31 GMT
did you casually say ' oh i havent had any time off since Januray and dropped her in the poo poo at work the 2 faced person her ....
I would have words with her about bad mouthing you, that wont do your reputation any good if shes saying those things to anyone who will listen .
xxx
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lisat
Silver Member
Life is for living, not for looking at.
Posts: 30
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Post by lisat on Nov 3, 2007 14:29:54 GMT
Thanks Lorri! The thing is, I feel really disheartened by her attitude and although I have never experienced problems like this with any other family I have minded for, I don't have faith in other enquiries i occassionally get. Does that make sense? I suppose i just don't trust anyone now! it hurts when I know, and people i have worked for over the years know i never have time off unless it is absolutely necessary. I think, reading all these posts back, this particular episode is the final straw for me. As much as i love the little man, and believe me, i've missed him terribly this week, i'm going to have to advertise for more children and let him go. I'm even considering quitting minding altogether now my youngest is at school. Its very confusing and I don't know what will happen, but I know I have to make this parent completely aware of how I feel. She's actually shot herself in the foot with all the other CMs in the area, because they (well most of them) now know exactly what I've had to put up with! Plus I wouldn't feel comfortable referring her etc... I'll get there I suppose. Just feeling really upset when I've given my all to her son and thats the thanks I get!!! I'll stop moaning on now. Lisa
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lisat
Silver Member
Life is for living, not for looking at.
Posts: 30
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Post by lisat on Nov 3, 2007 14:39:01 GMT
did you casually say ' oh i havent had any time off since Januray and dropped her in the poo poo at work the 2 faced person her .... I would have words with her about bad mouthing you, that wont do your reputation any good if shes saying those things to anyone who will listen . xxx Well that was what basically happened. I was stunned as you can imagine! I just said "excuse me, but the last time I had any time off sick was in January, my health couldn't be better thank you!" I was rather angry at the time!!! Two faced is exactly what she is. Plus, When you think about it, should I have to feel I have to apologise to her manager because she has made me feel so bad about having to call on her to collect HER child because I was in no fit state to care for him? I had words the next time I saw her and she admitted I'm never off, but she had a guilty expression and brought the subject round to how much her son loves me and what a fab CM i am! Ooh I could go on and on, but that wouldn't be very professional of me would it? Lisa xx
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Post by cheryl1 on Nov 3, 2007 17:48:15 GMT
Sending you a big ((((((((((((((((((((((((hug ))))))))))))))))))))))))))) lisa i totally understand where you are coming from and I personally wouldnt want to work with this parent ! Cheryl x
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Post by fionamal on Nov 3, 2007 18:44:52 GMT
I dont think I could be civil to the mum again. Would find it very hard to keep being her Childminder aswell
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Post by carolinel on Nov 3, 2007 20:10:03 GMT
I'm sure you'll make the right decision in the end. It's not good having someone bad mouth you all the time. I hope you can get this sorted and good luck with whatever you decide.
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Post by lou on Nov 3, 2007 20:43:33 GMT
sorry only just catching up on this thread now.
I think if it were me, remembering how much you care about this little boy, i would have to ask for a meeting with the mum and air the concerns.
Im not suggesting you tell her she is a two faced liar (which she clearly seems to be) but to politely tell her how much you love caring for her son, and how he has become part of the family, but you dont feel able to continue to care for him if all the negativity stays.
I would suggest you tell her honestly, how you feel she went behind your back, and that there was no need as you would have fully supported her if she had let you help her find back up childcare etc.
I would give yourself a time limit, ie maybe a month, to see if things improve and if not accept that you have done your best and thats all you do.
I know its hard to bring these things up with parents, but you may find the relationship improves?
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, no one would think any the less of you if you decide to end contract.
Lou xx
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Post by lisaurry on Nov 3, 2007 21:22:48 GMT
Hi Lisa,
What a shame this is, I think that if you are at the point where your ready to severe the contract then its worth sitting down with her and airing it all, even if it still means you end the contract, as least you've finished it and cleared your views first?
Other than that, I don't know as I've not had this experience yet.
Tough, but I'm sure you'll find other children - there are lots of lovely families out there - I have a few, and they have been great. So don't let one bad parent put you off.
Good luck Lisa x
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lisat
Silver Member
Life is for living, not for looking at.
Posts: 30
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Post by lisat on Nov 4, 2007 17:38:31 GMT
Just had a text from the MUM! She's not sending baby until thursday. Family member looking forward to spending some time with him! I just replied, ok but I am available if you change your mind. It's ok, see you thurs is what I got back. (she can never usually rely on family! personally, I think she's dreading facing me because she knows everything has got back to me!!!) Thank you all so much for your opinions and advice, you're all sounding so lovely and caring! I only hope I can help you lot out if ever you need it! To Cheryl1, Yes, you know me (as per say hello), thanks for the big hug! Must get together for a chat very soon ah? Its been a hell of week and I'm actually quite relieved that I don't have to face her until thursday! Some time to clear my head with some theraputic cleaning I think!!! I know, sad woman, but it helps me feel better if my house is clean! Lots of love to you all! Lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by angeldelight on Nov 4, 2007 18:20:59 GMT
Hi Lisa
I have not been here over the weekend so only just catching up
Lots of good advice from everyone
Sorry that the parent is being like this with you
There is not really much for me to add that the others have not already said
I do hope though that you made it clear she must still pay her fees even if the little boy is not coming
I really hope she is not messing you about here by not coming until Thursday ?
Good luck and hope it all works out for you
Angel xx
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Post by miffy on Nov 4, 2007 20:47:56 GMT
Sorry Lisa just catching up.
This mum seems very good at manipulating people.
Hope, as Angel said, she knows she must pay you
Perhaps the break will do you good and let you decide how to approach the problem when you see her next
Really hope you can sort this out as you want
Miffy
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lisat
Silver Member
Life is for living, not for looking at.
Posts: 30
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Post by lisat on Nov 9, 2007 13:53:23 GMT
Just an update!!! Had the little boy yesterday and today. No mention of where he had been or who had helped out. I couldn't talk to MUM, felt that once I started I'd just get angry, and that wouldn't be very professional would it? I have made my decision, and that is to quit minding. One thing that has happened is that I saw a part time job advertised last night, for a support worker in a small residential care home for adults with learning difficulties. perfect hours etc... rang up about it straight away and left my details. received a call from the manager this morning. I went straight over for the interview and filled out the application form. Told them I am contracted to give 4 weeks notice, which they are ok with, as they'll have to get references & CRB done etc... So subject to all those coming back ok, the job is mine!!! Should know for definate today or tomorrow. God I hope I can write that letter of resignation out over the weekend and hand to the mum on monday morning!!! Although, I keep getting quite upset at the thought of letting the little one go, because I love him so much. Hope everyone is well. Love Lisa xxx ;D
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Post by rubybubbles on Nov 9, 2007 14:21:02 GMT
just catching up with this one sorry Oh no to finsihing minding R U sure its really the best My first ever parent was like this! I never took time off even though I was pg with dd! I called her work as her son had a high temp and needles to say she wasn't there- OMG I put her right in the poop!! Because I was ill you see, she hadn't been in this week (this was on the Tuesday) I was fuming! My main worry was anybody she worked with may have said, oh don't go with her, she's having all this time off ect. So when pg at 30 weeks and I went into pre labour with dd (they manged to stop phew), I gave her my notice for 6 weeks ahead (mad I know but money!) and she was SO snotty with me arrhhhh, honestly children are great it's nearly always the parents
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Post by tasha on Nov 9, 2007 18:59:31 GMT
I'm sorry that you are stopping minding...but I really hope you get the job if that's what's best for you...Good Luck for the future regardless of what you are doing! Tasha
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Post by angeldelight on Nov 9, 2007 19:13:03 GMT
Hi Lisa
I do hope this one bad experience has not made you quit ?
You did such a lot of hard work to get where you are now
It is such a shame
Good news that you almost have a new job
I hope it works out well for you - let us know keep us updated
I know you are going to take great pleasure writing that letter to the parent
Such a shame you are giving up minding though
Good luck and all the best
Angel xx
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lisat
Silver Member
Life is for living, not for looking at.
Posts: 30
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Post by lisat on Nov 10, 2007 9:18:51 GMT
Thanks to ALL of you for your lovely messages and support. I do enjoy minding and last night I was looking through my portfolio and read all the thank you cards and notes i've received over the years, they make me cry every single time!! I never intended to childmind forever. My youngest child started school in September and he's settled in really well. I've been toying with the idea of quitting for a while now, so all this happening has given me a kick up the backside I suppose. Plus, the hours are ideal. 8:30 - 4:30, 2 days one week, 3 days the next. No weekends or evenings! So I'll still be able to do my voluntary hours at my childrens school too. Plus, the school has a before and after school club which is fab! It is very true that in minding, the children are great, but the parents can be difficult, but I can't work in partnership with a liar and I don't think I could ever trust this parent again. I just feel sorry for the mindee. Was breaking my heart to my husband lastnight because I feel like I'm being cruel to the gorgeous little boy. But, I have to do what's right for me and be a bit selfish if I get offered the job. I will keep you all updated on the situation and I may be in touch with those of you who are local to me for holiday cover for my own children!!! Love n hugs Lisa xxxx
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Post by angeldelight on Nov 10, 2007 10:48:47 GMT
Sounds like you have made the right choice for yourself and your family Lisa
Good luck with the job and I hope you get it
Angel xx
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Post by banana on Nov 10, 2007 13:49:45 GMT
Good luck with the new job Lisa.
Sounds like you have made the right decision as you are happy with it!
xxx
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lisat
Silver Member
Life is for living, not for looking at.
Posts: 30
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Post by lisat on Nov 16, 2007 19:18:56 GMT
Hello all of you!!! I got offered the job on sunday! After tears and lots of decision making, I took it! Typed out my letter of resignation and handed it to mum on monday morning! She said its inconvenient with xmas coming up! Nothing else! I'm scared to death of starting my new job as much as i'm looking forward to it. I feel really bad on the little boy, because he's like a member of the family. Feel like i'm giving a son away as i've had him from being so tiny. I know he'll end up in good hands though. I finish minding on Friday 7th December, but i'm going keep my registration running for a while, just incase!!! Have written to OFSTED to inform them. I'll still be logging on every now and then so I can keep updated on the latest happenings. Thanks again to all of you who gave excellent advice. It's great this forum!!! ;D Lots o Love Lisa xxx
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Post by lorri on Nov 16, 2007 20:16:36 GMT
Congratulations on the new job! Make sure you come on and let us know how it goes once you start it - don't just disappear!
Lorri x
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Post by tasha on Nov 16, 2007 20:35:05 GMT
Congratulations & Good Luck for the future! Don't become a stranger!..... Tasha
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Post by miffy on Nov 16, 2007 21:40:36 GMT
Sorry Lisa I missed this - good luck with the new job
Miffy
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Post by polly2 on Nov 17, 2007 13:46:09 GMT
just catching up
want to wish all the very best in your new job!
lots of love Hollyx
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lisat
Silver Member
Life is for living, not for looking at.
Posts: 30
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Post by lisat on Nov 17, 2007 14:46:59 GMT
Thanks to everyone for the good luck wishes! I wont disappear, I love this site and I'm truly hooked!!! ;D Lisa xx
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Post by rubybubbles on Nov 17, 2007 18:08:02 GMT
I'm glad things have worked out for you
Well done for your new job and enjoy the hours ;D
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Post by linda on Nov 18, 2007 17:25:33 GMT
Good luck in your new job Lisa Lindaxx
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