Help please, dont know what to do?

[sj]

Hi

Ive posted recently about a little girl I agreed to have but made the mistake of not really getting to know her.
Anyway she is so full of it all the time, she doesnt listen to anything I say. Today she has ran off from me on the way home from school and ran into the road. She has been very offhand with my 3yr old daughter, will not play with her and even smacked her had away from her today.
What do I do? I know she is having behaviour problems at school cus she has to do a daily diary for it.
Am I within my rights to say I cant have her if she is causing upset to my children or should I stick with it and see if it gets any better?

Im really confused, any advice would be great!

Sam

[susan]

Hi Sam


How long have you had her for?

Did you have a settling in period in your contract ?

You can give termination of the contract if you feel that the behaviour of this child is upsetting the other children in your care be they minded children or your own.

Did you tell the paretns about what happened today when they collected her , ie running into the road and smakin your daughter ? what was there responce ?

Lots of questions I no sorry but helps to no.

If you feel you cannot work with the parents and the child and have given it sufficient time to see how things work out you should consider terminating the contract like you have said

Hope that helps, probably not sorry

Susan x

[lisaurry]

Hi Sam,

Same as Susan really, but also how old is she?

You need to discuss her behaviour with the parents, so you don't have problems building up and then give it them all at once! Even if its daily things, let them know when they pick her up. It will make it easier for you, especially if you want to terminate the contract.

Good luck, let us know how you get on.
Lisa x

[lorri]

I had a very similar problem with my first mindee a few weeks back and I had to let her go.

My son loved her but she was really affecting his behaviour negatively plus she was doing similar things to your mindee which were dangerous to her, my son and myself.

I spoke to her mum and she said she should have been honest with me about her before she started with me!

Anyway, I said I'd have to end the contract and told her why and she completely understood. We did try a few things like behaviour chart, time out, etc but they didn't make enough difference. The mum didn't want her behaviour affecting my little boy or putting us in danger.

Lorri x

[sj]

Her nan picked her up last night so I didnt feel it right to say anything to her about her behaviour yesterday. I saw her mum at the school this morning and she asked how she had been and I said she had upset Livvy yesterday and slammed a door in my face and she apologised and said she would talk to her.
Her dad came to collect her tonight and I toldhim about her running off etc and all he said was "she can be a madam at times". Mum and dad arent together anymore so not sure what the communication is like between them although they did both come to see me initially.

Ive only had her since Monday but already I can see the affect she is having on my kids and the other kids I have.
I have written down what she has been doing but do I need to do this in an official book or can I just jot it in my notepad I use for childminding bits?

Sam x

[tasha]

Personally I use the notes of concern in the back of the NCMA Accident folder to back up the daily diaries that I do. Your notebook is fine ...I just like to also have notes o something a bit official if I have to end contract due to behaviour...so that it looks better i it comes back to bite me!
Tasha

[miffy]

Hi Sam - a week is not long to get to know a child or for them to settle but it can seem forever if things are not going well

How old is this child and how often and for how long do you have her?

You say her parents are separated - is this recent and could it be linked to her behaviour with you, has mum just gone back to work??

At the end of the day you have to decide whether it's going to work for you or not

Did you have a settling-in period on your contract - I usually put 4 weeks during which either the parent or me can cancel the contract without having to serve notice periods - you can do this anyway if you feel the child's behaviour is putting other mindees or your own family at risk

Hope you get sorted soon

Miffy

[sj]

She is 4 but a very very grown up 4. Shes seems far too old headed to me but I suppose all kids are different.
Think her parents have been separated for a while and mum has always worked.

She has to do a daily diary at school and that has an incident in it everyday where she has hit, punched or kicked someone. Yesterday it was the classroom assistant!

I just have this feeling that things arent going to get any better. Maybe im wrong in assuming this but I know my instincts!

Sam

[tasha]

Go with your instints then...either give notice or terminate with imediate effect.
Tasha

[lisaurry]

Hi Sam,

I think what you have to remember is your own happiness - it sounds like this child has issues, and is potentially going to be alot of hard work for you and heartache!

I have had a few problems over the past few months, and have now dealt with them (after kind advice from the forum) - and I feel alot happier now. It made me realise that I wanted to do childminding to enjoy it - not feel miserable at the end of every day. So I would go with your gut instinct and nip it in the bud - save yourself now, rather than later.

Good luck,
Lisa x

[rubybubbles]

a grown up 4 should know better than to run into the road (my own dd 3 in Aug) and I trust her to stop by the road.

Honestly as everyone has said, it's your business and worrying about things like this can really make this job hard. I changed contracts this year and felt soo much better (even though I felt horrid for giving notice) it wasn't until after the I realised how much I dreaded work in the morning and always had a knot i my stomache

Now I'm back to my crazy self hahahahaha

[miffy]

I agree with Tasha - trust your instincts.

Miffy x

[charleyfarley]

Your instincts are almost always likely to be right so go with them if that's what you want and end the contract.

I think you can tell if something is going to work from the beginning.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, you've got to choose what is right for you and your family

Carol xx

[linda]

I think you should give this little girl a little bit longer she might just be seeing how much she can get away with and how far she can push you, also if you give her notice they will have to look elsewhere and being passed from pillar to post will not help her.
I would give her another couple of weeks do all the usual stickers certificates ect
Lindaxx

[june]

Bless. I feel sorry for you , your heart saying one thing head saying another. Good Luck

[sj]

Ive made the decision to stick with her for now and see if she gets any better. Im giving myself the deadline of end of term, if things havent improved then Im going to ask her mum to try to find alternative care for her in the new year.

I hope Im doing the right thing!

Sam

[angeldelight]

Hi Sam

Sorry only just catching up

Sorry you are still having problems but everyone gave good advice

Good luck and well done for sticking it out you never know she could settle down with you when she gets to know your rules but if she does not then at least you can say that you tried

Good luck

Angel xx