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Post by sarsar3nch on Oct 31, 2007 20:46:53 GMT
I feed my full time mindees in the evening, the eldest (3 1/2) is very fussy and often it little more than a tiny taste, and for this effort mum wants him to still have pud (she provides).
Today he point blank refused to eat anything then got upset when I refused to give him pudding.
When dad came he tried to pull yog raisins out of his lunch bag, I said no and explained to him and dad why (lots of tears). Dad looked confused and after putting him in car came back to ask what the big deal had been. I then started to doubt myself.
I feel frustrated cos mum has said before, when child says he hasn't liked dinner I provided, that he can have toast and honey aat home to fill him up.
I wonder why I am bothering, but am I outdated with my views that if they don't eat, they don't get anything else??
Any views or ideas, I know I should work with parents on this but I feel I am criticising their parenting
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Post by lorri on Oct 31, 2007 21:06:00 GMT
No, I completely agree with you.
With our son if he makes no attempt to eat his dinner he doesn't get anything else. If he tries it and he doesn't like it then that's a different story but if he's just being a toddler he doesn't get anything else. We don't make a fuss just explain it to him and that's that! His eating is now actually quite good and he does tend to try things more than before.
I think you're right but maybe I'm wrong too!!!
Lorri x
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Post by sarsar3nch on Oct 31, 2007 21:27:48 GMT
Thanks
I have done the same with my own 3 and the older 2 (11 & 8) are really good at trying things and eating well, still working on it with youngest (6) but feel I need same rules for all children. Difficult when kids are from different families as we all do things differently but they are all full time and eat with us 5 nights a week.
Sarah
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Post by vik3000 on Oct 31, 2007 23:05:48 GMT
No I am the same, no eat dinner = no pud.
My mindee (age 3 ) is rather picky at mealtimes (not with types of food just whether she is "in the mood") and she expects to be fed (dad does this for her , mum does not).
I explain to the children and parents that in my house it is my rules and I cannot have one rule for one child and another for other children. I provide nutrious wholesome foods presented in a fun way. The least i expect is for an attempt at the meal.
Mum goes along with my rules, ie if mum picks up and I tell her child has not eaten then mum is ok with that (no sweeties etc till she has eaten dinner), dad will just say he will give her something else - this I know causes ructions at home but that is not my problem. If it is possible i will plate and wrap the dinner and send it back home with the child, if not the way I see it is that the parents are paying me for providing the meal - I cannot force the child to eat it.
No I don't think you are out dated in your views or expectations. Stick to your guns, draw up or point out your rules.
Good luck
Vicky
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Post by vik3000 on Oct 31, 2007 23:13:07 GMT
Just some thoughts,
Could you involve this little one in preparing the meal, setting the table etc? Can he help himself? Find new ways to be creative with his food? Start with the things you know he likes and then introduce one new thing at a time.?
Make sure you don't put too much on his plate (use a really small plate such as a saucer size so that the portions are really manageable) - have a set of cutlery and plate that are his specially his. Bargin with him (set some achievable goals), "you eat one forkful of each thing on plate and you can have pud" - next day, eat two forkfuls of each = pud or along those lines.
I also take the plate away (after a warning) if they are playing with the food or showing signs of complete disinterest (they are not allowed to get down from the table though and they have to sit and behave while everyone else finishes), I give them one chance if they want th food back, if they still play with it/show disinterest I just take it away and they don't get it back, Mean harsh person that I am. Table manners and mealtimes is one place I can't abide "messing on".
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Post by angeldelight on Oct 31, 2007 23:56:57 GMT
Personally I do not think there is any right or wrong answer here I always try not to make a big deal with food anyway because I think the more you do that the more problems you give yourself and the child Meal time should be fun and this is not happening here You are getting upset Chid is getting upset Parents are getting upset Something needs to give Vickys idea is good about asking him to help you Make some Pizza with him really simple if you get some muffins Grate some cheese into a dish and mushrooms etc Let him put on what he wants himself He will enjoy it Here is a pic to show you what I mean     Most important thing of all - chat to the parents you really do need to work together it is no good you having one rule and the parent having a nother The little boy is going to get confused and refuse his food even more Good luck let us know how it goes Angel xx Parents permission was given for pictures ! |
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Post by sarsar3nch on Nov 1, 2007 9:18:30 GMT
Hi all,
Spoke to mum this morning and they said that after having same probs with him when off at half term, they are going to adopt same policy. She said in front of little boy to and made it clear that mum and me feel the same way.
We do pizza and fajitas etc where they can help and yes he eats but he only has a small repetoire of foods he will eat (spag bol, pizza, sausages and spag hoops) some of which I will not serve but I try to include his favourites when i can but have to think of other 5 kids too.
Hopefully will be better tonight (chicken curry which he will usually eat!!)
Thanks for support xx
Sarah xx
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Post by buildingblocks on Nov 1, 2007 14:09:38 GMT
I agree completely.
It is one of the reason I try to get parents to not provide food (makes it a lot easier if all the children are eating the same as each other and not wanting what someone else has got int heir box).
It is imprtant that the meal table is not a battleground. Paretns are made aware of the set up for mealtimes at my house. I do not make children sit for 3 hours until they finish a meal but will allow them time if they need it (doees that make sense). I do expect children to sit at the table until everyone has finished but I used to have a very slow eater who wanted to finish so once everyoine had finished they all got down and I sat with this child until he had finished.
On the line of pudding if they are too full to finish their main course then they are too full to want a pudding. No fuss simple. Amazing how hungry they become and finish their meal lol.
If the little one does not have a big appetite one of the ways round this I found was to let the child help themselves to food. If they put it on their plate then they eat it especially if they have seconds. That way they may only take a little bit but you are not putting what you think they could eat. DOwnside of this is the child who tries it on and takes no veg lol (8 years old and should no better then to think he would get away with it lol)
lo veKate
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Post by raggydolls on Nov 1, 2007 22:18:30 GMT
To quote Kate (building blocks):-
On the line of pudding if they are too full to finish their main course then they are too full to want a pudding. No fuss simple. Amazing how hungry they become and finish their meal lol
To quote Vicky (vik3000):-
I also take the plate away (after a warning) if they are playing with the food or showing signs of complete disinterest, I give them one chance if they want the food back, if they still play with it/show disinterest I just take it away and they don't get it back, Mean harsh person that I am. Table manners and mealtimes is one place I can't abide "messing on
This is exactly what i did to my little boy and still do now with my nephew and my friends little girl who i look after
Leanne
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