Daughter feeling jealous, any help pleas?

[lucylion]

Hi I have been childminding a 1 yr old girl for 2 months, a 3 yr old boy, 5 yr old boy, 8 yr old girl and 11 yr old girl for 4 months. My daughter is 3 and she seemed to love them coming but lately she seems to be jealous of the baby, and arguing with the 3 year old. Obviously I have to give the baby attention, e.g. carrying changing, feeding but i also really try to give my daughter extra attention so she doesnt feel left out. My daughter is always arguing and complaining, she plays up for me, not listening to me, not sharing etc, generally the other children and ok with me. The 3,5, an 8 year old are all brothers and sister and they tend to stick together but are getting better and including my daughter after i spoke to them.

The hardest thing was yesterday she said she 'doesnt want me to look after other children any more', it really broke my heart, i wanted to spend more time with her by childminding but whenever she is around when i have other children she always plays up i feel like i am always telling her off. When it is just me and my daughter at home on our own she is as good as gold, and i love it!

I really want her to be happy when i am minding other children but it feels like its so much easier and i enjoy it so much more when shes not around e.g. at playgroup or at a friends house for tea etc...! And I feel so awful for thinking that.

I understand that the children are coming into her house with her family and her toys and things and she has to share and not get 1 to 1 attention with me all the time but i am finding her so much hard work at the moment, just wondeing how everyone else copes when their children are finding it hard to adjust to your new job.

Although having said all that she is always talking about the minded kids in a good way when they aren't her like they are part of her family/friends circle.

Thank you for any help you could offer, sorry for going on!!

[linda]

Hi Lucy my daughter was 3 when i started childminding and now she is 19 so i know exactly how you feel you give up work as you think you are doing the right thing by being able to spend quality time with them, by the way my son was 6 at the time.
My son was at school most of the time when the minded children were in our house so he was not jealous but my daughter was terrible for the same reasons she had to share her toys my advice to you would be to keep all your daughters special toys upstairs for her to plap with when the minded children have gone home so that she knows they are her special toys.
I know all children need to share but she needs to have some toys which are for her alone i will always remember having my yearly social services visit and the above was the advice they gave to me and it worked to an extent, i only minded 2 little girls on my own when Lucy was little and not the hords me and my assistant mind now.
Lindaxx

[sarahnev707]

My children have always had toys upstairs as well and they choos who they want to invite up there.

I've always told them I'm at home because I want to be with them - but I have to earn money as well... and they need to understand that

The other thing I've found is that they need to know when they are going to get my full attention.... it may not be the minute they want it, but I remind them that after tea or whenever is their time for me 100%. The phone goes on answerphone, the mobile is turned off and we do something just for them - reading books, listening to their stories, watching TV together, having a hug, sharing a song or whatever - just for them. I still do this now and they are teenagers!

HTH

Sarahx

[sarsar3nch]

Good advice by Sarah

My kids are 6,8 and 11. Youngest 2 have grown up with it and are ok most of the time but I do make them keep 'special toys' upstairs unless they want to share them. Oldest one moans all the time that 'those babies' are getting in the way of her life etc etc I try to explain that this is the best way of me being around for them,

Keep persevering, its worth it


Sarah