Too soon to end contract........

[lynnslittleuns]

I have a 3yr old little girl who has been coming to me for 8 weeks. Right from day 1 she has been a bit of a problem as she is really spoilt at home and thinks she should be treat the same here.
She doesnt seem to grasp the concept of sharing and helps herself to anything she fancies whether another child is already playing with the item or not. Everything is HERS.
Over the last 2-3 weeks ive had a few comments about her from other parents, obviously their children are going home and telling them what this child is doing to them.
I havent mentioned any of this to the girls parents as i hoped that eventually she would warm to everyone and learn that she has to share but i'm getting concerned now that other parents might be thinking about taking their children from me because of her behavior.
Is it too soon for me to terminate her contract. I really cant afford to lose children.
HELP PLEASE
Lynn xx

[susan]

I think you should try to talk to her parents firstly to explain your concerns and that her behaviour is affecting the other children you care for and take it from there, without going into details with other mindees parents you could tell them that you are dealing with the problem and could they just bear with you whilst you deal with it. If her parents are none co operative and not interested then maybe then you should think about what is best for your setting and other children not just this one child


Sorry not much help I know

good luck

xxx

[vik3000]

Susan is right - you must, as a priority talk with the parents of the ("spolit") child. They need to understand that the behaviour is affecting the other children and for the childs and others sake, it needs to be addressed.
Explain your behaviour management policy and formulate a "plan" with them, that perhaps they could implement at home as well as at the setting.

Have you made some formal observations? This may help to see if it is a particular time etc and/or helpful to show how to overcome the problem.

Again, I agree with Susan, without going into detail just reassure the other parents that you are dealing with the issues at hand.

Sit down with the children and go over some basic simple rules with them (perhaps during circle time) have some "feelings" faces ready and perhaps you can incorporate "when we take toys from someone they feel like this...(hold up sad/cry face), when we don't share it makes others unhappy etc.

Is this child an only child - it may not be that she is "spoilt", its just that she has no sibs to "knock the edges of" and noone to learn the processes of sharing from. I do think 3 year olds tend to view things as "mine" anyway - the reality that there are more people out the to consider is just starting to dawn on them and there are a lot of emotions that go along with this.

I think you really need to give this a good try before considering terminating the contract - but you do need the parents co operation.

[lynnslittleuns]

Thanks for your advice Susan and Vic.
I have tried to explain to her about sharing and that she is upsetting others by taking things from them. She just insists that the toys etc are hers.
She is not an only child but has a brother 11yrs older than she is and so i think she has been treat as an only child.
I agree that i have to consider the other children and my setting and on a personal note (i feel guilty admitting this) she is getting me down a little.
Lynn xx

[vik3000]

Hi Lynn

It can be wearing when you have to constantly ensure that the others aren't having toys taken away from them.

Just out of interest how do you deal with?

The thing with explaining to her the need to share is to keep it brief and short. Once a day perhaps do a circle time to explore feelings (actions and consquences). Explain that they are toys for everyone to share in your house.
Perhaps you need to up the discipline stakes - if she does it once, make her give the toy back and give her a - we don't do that we share, second time make her give it back and give her a warning, don't do that we share, if you do it again you will have to sit on xxxxx for 3 minutes or something similar (3 strikes and you are out type thing). Afterwards explain that its nicer to share, makes everyone happy .......

My mindee who is 3 - there is a massive age gap between her and her brother and she tends to be mine mine mine, I want I want want, and her brother just gives in as does Dad for a peaceful life (Mum is the consistent one).

[sarahnev707]

Everything in my house is mine - and I'm very good at sharing!

A few days of this mantra usually works - that or take it off the offender and give it straight back to the one who's usually crying by now with a 'good girl/boy, were you looking at that for x, let's give it back until x has finished with it now, thank you very much' and a big smile!

Absolutely exhausting Lynn - I feel for you!

Sarahx

[banana]

It is hard trying to negotiate and explain about sharing with toddlers but if you persevere then I think eventually the child will come round.

I agree with what has been said above. Definitly have a talk with the parents and explain the situation as if you keep them in the dark about it then they cant do anything to help you resolve the situation either


good luck

xx

[lynnslittleuns]

Thanks everyone, i have the little girl tomorrow so will work on plan a: consistently take the item away from her and returning it to the child who was playing with it, explaining to her thats its nicer to share.
Hopefully continuity will work but i will also speak to dad, i never see mum and see if he can continue this at home and possibly have a word with her.

Thanks again all of you.
Lynn x

[lynnslittleuns]

Thanks everyone, i have the little girl tomorrow so will work on plan a: consistently take the item away from her and returning it to the child who was playing with it, explaining to her thats its nicer to share.
Hopefully continuity will work but i will also speak to dad, i never see mum and see if he can continue this at home and possibly have a word with her.

Thanks again all of you.
Lynn x

[angeldelight]

Hi Lynn

Sorry I missed this post

I agree with Sarah 100% and that is what I do and what I would do if I were you

I hope it is going ok with the little girl today

Good luck

Angel xx

Did you get the halloween stuff ?

[lynnslittleuns]

Nightmare day. Had little girl today and she was her usual self. She pulled a doll away from a 2yr old with such force that she fell on her face. The little one sobbed continuously for about 30mins. I had to explain to parent why she had a red mark down one side of her face. Parent accepted my explanation but wasnt happy about it. She said she would like to speak to the other girls parents but i dont think that would solve anything. Spoke to my little problem girls dad when he collectd her and he said he would have a word with her at home and would ring me later today. Well he rang and basically said that his little angel denies any of this happened and the 2yr old took the doll from her 1st. That definately wasnt the case as i saw it all happen.
I'm at the end of my tether and so concerned that other parents are going to start taking their children out because of her.
Feeling so down. By the way Angel i did get the Halloween stuff, its great, thanks a lot.
Lynn xx

[susan]

Lynn do you get alot of wages from this one child I know we have said to try and sort it out before giving notice but if you as really concerned about losing the other children and can afford not to have this child I would seriously consider giving notice now before it gets you down xxx

[vik3000]

I think I would call a meeting with BOTH parents and insist on both of them being there (no children) - sooner rather than later. Failing that contact the mother yourself and request an urgent meeting with them both. Tell them that unless both attend then you feel you may have to consider your options.

I would explain that the childs behaviour is having a deterimental effect on the other children in the setting. tell the parents you are willing to work with both of them in resolving the situation but you will have to put a time limit say 4 weeks and recall another meeting where the behaviour/ contract will be reviewed. If progress is being made then great, if not it may be time to consider your options.


I think you will have to take the bull by the horns here - make sure you write down everything said during the meeting and give them a copy. If they are agreeable to implement behaviour management then make sure you draw up a plan together - with both parties having a copy and signatures to the effect of the meeting, goals and aims and desired outcomes, further meetings.
I would tell them that the agressive behaviour of their daughter has caused mild physical harm to another child and would they find this acceptable if it was the other way round.
If the parents aren't willing to listen, act etc then I agree once you have exhausted the "working in partnership with parents" option then you need to weigh up if you can afford to lose this child (or worst case scenario loosing the other children in your care).

Get in touch with your development officer and get some advice from them too.

[lynnslittleuns]

The child in question i have 4 days a week but only from 11.30-1.30 so would not exactly break the bank if i was to lose her. Ive tried to talk to mum but she works full time and says it is awkward for her, thats why it is left up to dad.
Ive got 2 days of this week left in which i will keep in touch with dad and if i cant speak to mum then i will ask dad to take my obs book with him to show his wife. It contains all my comments on all the occurances and see what she makes of it. I'm going to do some serious thinking over the weekend and then see how i feel.
Thanks for all your help and i will keep you informed.
Ive got tears in my eyes at the moment (daft or what) !!!
Speak soon.
Lynn xx

[charleyfarley]

You are not daft at all Lynn.

These problems affect us all at some stage and they do get to us.

I had one mindee that suddenly wouldn't play in the garden.

As soon as I mentioned the word she started crying, saying she was tired, wanting the toilet etc

Don't know what it was, she was even horrible to the others, not letting them in playhouse, on bikes. Think she did it to make us go in.

I used to end up thinking it was me, I'd done something to make her unhappy.

Thing was as soon as mom came she couldn't wait to go and play in the garden, when it was time to go.

So it made me look like I was lying to mom.

I kept at it purely cos I knew I was moving house and boy did I count down the days

You've got to think about what is best for you and the other mindees

Carol xx

[carolinel]

sorry but I can't add to anything that's already been said.

I hope you can get this sorted without losing her.

keep us informed.

[sarsar3nch]

Hi, any news?

Hope you got things sorted one way or another xxx

[sarahnev707]

Hi Lynne I was thinking about you today when one of my mindees suddenly pulled a toy off another - totally out of character for her!!

So I came on to ask the same as Sar.... Any progress?

Sarahx

[lynnslittleuns]

Hi Sar and all

Havent been on for about a week as ive been trying to sort out this problem of mine.
Unfortunately ive had to terminate the contract. Its been an awful time and two sets of parents were going to take their children from my setting because of this other child, so i had no option. Its been really upsetting for everyone but at the end of the day i did what i had to do for my family, my other mindees, my business and my sanity.
I'm a bit down at the moment as i now have to face that particular dad every day for the next 2 weeks. It will be a nightmare i'm sure.
Moan moan moan, i feel a bit better now.
Thanks for everyones concern and i hope your situation, Sarah is sorted out a lot easier than mine.
Love Lynn xx

[angeldelight]

Hi Lynn

I have sent you a message but I am sorry it came to this

You did the right thing though so do not doubt that at all

Remember the parents I had and had to face them for a whole month after I gave notice - they were calling me and texing me for the whole month asking me to change my mind

I thought it would never end but it did and I am so glad I did what I did

You will feel better soon too and you are all going to be so much happier

Have a nice relaxing weekend

Love Angel xx

[lou]

Hi Lynn,

Sorry it came to that, but you are right you must think of your own family, and you cannot lose mindees because of it.

Hold your head up and face the man for 2 weeks and think how happy you will be at th end of the 2 weeks,

Lou xx

[emler]

Hi Lynn

I think you made the right decision. It was getting you down and upsetting other families as well as your own.
I know it was a tough one to make but I would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes.
Hope you're feeling a bit better about things.

Emler x

[lynnslittleuns]

Hi again everyone

Thanks for all your kind comments, i feel better knowing that most of you would have made the same decision that i did. Still not looking forward to Monday but i know that after 2 weeks things will be so much better. I'm going to try not to think about it over the weekend and enjoy myself with my wonderful sons.

Lots of love.
Lynn xx

[lisaurry]

Hi again Lynn,

Just read all of this, god I thought I'd had a tough time but phew, nothing as bad as you!

Will be thinkin about you and I'm glad you've sorted it out now.

Take care, speak to you next week and we can see how we've coped with 'the parents'

Lisa x

[sarsar3nch]

Hi Lynn

What a horrible situation, one we all dread. I think you handled it admirably.

Stay strong, think about yourself and your family.

Sarah x

[lisaurry]

Hi Lynn,

How did it go today? Been thinking about you.

My Mom didn't even act any differently today - even though I've been worked up all day waiting for a kick off!!

Lisa x

[lynnslittleuns]

Hi Lisa

Saw dad today at school, he just ignored me (suits me). Havent heard anything about her complaining to anyone yet so fingers crossed it was all hot air.

I just want it all to be over with so that i can relax again.

Lynn xx

[lisaurry]

Hi Lynn,

How's it going? I meant to ask, how did you not have to give any notice period? Was it that bad??

Lisa x

[lynnslittleuns]

Hi Lisa

I did give 2 weeks notice period but mum said that the little girl would not be coming to me again. Thats up to her i guess.

I have seen dad twice at school since though and ive said good morning and he's replied. Makes things a bit pleasanter.

Lynn xx

[lisaurry]

Hi Lynn,

glad it seems to be settling, at least you've done it, and its sorted now.

Mines gone ok, I have given 4 weeks notice period - and so far mom hasn't mentioned it still! Kids haven't either, so I just hope they realise its only 3 weeks away!!

take care, have a chill out weekend
Lisa x